Coping with the inability to conceive
- 9 Months ago
The pressure to raise a family can be huge, and the thought of not being able to have children can make many people feel something is wrong with them and tend to wallow in their perceived inadequacies.
Coping strategies that could work during this time are-
Acknowledge your feelings surrounding the fertility problem. A fertility problem may be one of the most difficult challenges you'll ever face. Acknowledging this is a key to coping.
It's normal to feel a monumental sense of loss, to feel stressed, sad, or overwhelmed. Facing and accepting your emotions can help you move beyond them.
Don't blame yourself. Resist the urge to get angry at yourself or to listen to the little voice in your head that's saying, "I shouldn't have waited" or "I should have lost more weight or taken better care of my health"; "I shouldn't have assumed that I could have children when I wanted" or whatever negative thoughts you may be having.
People can get caught in negative thinking patterns that only make matters worse. Instead of berating yourself one should look forward to managing the situation as a couple.
When you start feeling like you "should have" or "could have," remind yourself that your fertility problem is not your fault. Even if you could have made different decisions in the past, they're behind you. Concentrate on your future.
Work as a team with your partner. You and your mate should help each other through this time (and definitely not blame each other for your difficulty getting pregnant).
This doesn't mean you need to feel the same thing at the same time - that's one of the most common pitfalls for couples facing fertility problems. It does mean paying attention to what your partner's going through. If you're taking care of each other emotionally, you can come together to fight the problem.
Work together to find practical ways to share the burden. If one of you is undergoing treatment, other can take care of the insurance papers. Or if one of you needs injected therapy, the other can administer the shots.
Educate yourself. Read as much as you can about fertility problems and ask questions from your doctor and other couples in your situation.
Staying educated is especially important when you're dealing with a fertility problem because the technologies behind the treatments are complicated and change quickly and one must make a fully informed decision knowing all the options.
Set limits on how long you're willing to try. Some couples decide from the get-go that they won't go to extreme measures to have a baby. Others spend years and thousands of dollars exhausting all of their treatment options.
No one can tell you when to stop trying to conceive - that's a decision you need to make with your partner and doctor - but you'll feel more in control of your life if you start thinking in advance about how far you're willing to go to get pregnant.
Start by discussing your medical odds of getting pregnant, which treatments you're not willing to try, and your end goal.
Decide how much you're willing to pay. With in vitro fertilization (IVF) and its expense, couples feel anxious about money, especially since women often need to go through multiple cycles before becoming pregnant.
To cope with the anxiety caused by the high costs of treatment, sit down and develop a financial plan.
Then look at all your assets and determine how much you can spend and on which treatments. It's best to have a plan B because nothing, especially with fertility treatments, is certain.
Get support from professionals and others with fertility problems. Society often fails to recognize the anguish caused by infertility, so those denied parenthood tend to hide their sorrow, which only increases their feelings of shame and isolation.
Finding other people who are going through the same thing can help you see that fertility problems are widespread and your disappointment and frustration is understandable. Interacting with others in your position can come as a great relief and source of strength.