Things Not To Say To Someone Who Is Hurting

  • 5 months ago
4 minute read.
Things Not To Say To Someone Who Is Hurting

If you're someone who cares for others and feels empathetic, you must know how to deal with someone who's hurting badly. However, still, sometimes, you might end up saying things that you shouldn't say, which leads to unexpected outcomes. So, how can you avoid this? Well, read along to find out.

This blog tells you how you can deal with someone who's in grief. You'll learn about how a hurt person feels, how you can comfort them, what things you shouldn't say to them and what you actually should.

How Exactly Does a Hurt Person Feel in the Moment? 

Emotions, apathy, and empathy are characteristics that distinguish humans as the best of God's creation. After all, acting mean is no big deal. Hurting others can be intentional or unintentional. But here's the thing: you feel hurt when the response from some other person doesn't sync with your thoughts and expectations.

A hurt person feels bad not only about what happened but also about themselves in the heat of the moment; they may feel scared, anxious, angry, unconfident, or lonely. According to Joe Nowinski, a psychologist, the fear of aging and dying can also cause emotional trauma, discomfort, and anxiety.

Helping A Loved One With Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

How Do You Confront Someone Effectively Without Hurting them?

So, how exactly should you respond? Do you have to ease young or elder with the same mindset?

Well, everyone is different in their ability to deal with problems. From a two-year-old child to a 60-year-old granny, everyone feels differently about things, and the response is different too. While using harsh words is the worst thing you can do, comforting someone with a sweet lie is even worse. Because it may comfort them at that instant, they might get hurt even worse if they get to know it was a lie.

So, the three things that you should remember while giving some a reality check without hurting them are:

  • Be humble
  • Be logical
  • Recognize the complexity of the situation

Be Humble: 

Being polite should be the first rule of initiating conversation. Not only do you grab the attention, but you also manage to end on a positive note. Also, as you begin with the talk, try to notice the gestures and reactions.

Be Logical: 

Make sure you are being reasonable enough. Share your thoughts only if you are fully aware of the truth. This way, you can help the person without misleading him.

Recognize the Complexity of the Situation: 

Imagine your friend is not in good health. In that case, you cannot pour anything, no matter what. Therefore, recognizing the reality of the situation becomes equally important.

Also Check: Dealing With Emotional Pain

Things that are Said often but Should be Avoided When Dealing with a Hurt Person

It's easy to pass judgment on someone else's grief. People rarely try to put themselves in the shoes of others. However, this is not something you should do because others may perceive you as a risk to their feelings. Healing someone through words necessitates both wisdom and empathy.

Here are some things you should avoid saying:

  • Just don't think about it: it's probably a piece of impractical advice. You simply can't force your emotional mind to vanish thoughts all of a sudden.
  • I know how you feel: You can't always relate to someone's emotional pain. Your friend may lose faith in you with a thought that you would never understand.
  • Let it go; it's past: Just like physical illness, your body does need time to heal from mental illness. Healing isn't a process that occurs with a snap of the fingers.
  • It's all Karma: The other person may be an atheist. So, there are chances words like "karma" may offend others.
  • Everything happens for a reason: phrases like this usually lay the trap of confusion. The moment you hear, you start finding reasons and end up feeling even more miserable. Instead, factual assurance works as the best way out.

Also Check: How To Let Go Of Your Emotional Baggage?

Before acting in a certain way, it is critical to understand the situation's needs. Advice should be given with tact and patience. So, in essence, the response is all that matters.

What to Say Instead?

Rather than saying above mentioned phrases, you can try asking about how they are feeling. For example:

It's Hard to Imagine How you Feel

This helps a person to build trust in your words. Also, the person gets comfortable sharing his hidden story.

I am Sorry for your Loss

Death is always the hardest thing to deal with. Before consoling someone, people usually jump to questions like how did it happen, why he acted in that way, how did he fall ill, or whatever.

Instead, you can just say, I'm sorry for your loss in a low tone and sit with that person for a while.

Let's Just Walk for a While

Such phrases help you spend some peaceful time with your friend. You may further ask them to accompany you to lunch or tea. This would help them get momentary distraction from their grief.


Not everyone feels the same intensity of grief. You have your own limits, and so do other people. And it's always tricky to solve issues that are associated with mental health.

Therefore, if you aren't able to manage the situation or find it beyond your control, try seeking professional help. Help your friend or anyone who's hurt schedule a counseling session assistance. Such counseling sessions work through emotions to promote the process of healing.



Mental health issues have become quite common and concerning these days. Although it may feel stressful to comfort someone who's emotionally hurting, making an effort can do a lot of good. Being a good listener and responder can always work wonders. Right words at the right time are, indeed, capable of doing great things. It's, however, crucial to be careful with the words. Moreover, never wait for the circumstance to become worse. Let someone who's an expert deal with the situation.

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