How many times has one heard the phrase, ‘everything is going to be okay’? There are many posts on social media doing the rounds that talk about ‘positive vibes only.’ It would seem that the pandemic has actually exacerbated this phenomenon of ‘positivity’.
Despite their good intentions, these phrases can make things worse rather than better.
What is Toxic Positivity?
The toxic positivity movement advocates that people should maintain a positive attitude despite difficult, painful, or urgent circumstances. It promotes people to only concentrate on the positives in life while disregarding the more difficult experiences they are going through and preventing them from experiencing their full range of emotions.
Exemplifying toxic positivity are the following phrases:
● Failure is not an option
● All things happen for a reason
● For others, it's worse
● The situation could have been worse
● Don't dwell on the negative
A Look at How Toxic Positivity Impacts Thinking
Studies have shown that when describing negative events, we use a wider range of words than when describing positive events. Negative stimuli are also generally interpreted as being more elaborate and differentiated. It's harder to feel these intense emotional ranges due to toxic positivity, which silences negative emotions and demeans grief, as well as creating a feeling of fake happiness when people may be in trouble.
Toxic Positivity v/s Realistic Optimism
An optimistic attitude that is true or realistic does not minimize one's own or another's emotions, and it is therefore not toxic. Genuine optimism comes from believing in oneself. Being realistically optimistic means being confident in your abilities and not beating yourself up too much.
A realistic optimist, in addition to being supportive and helpful, also provides a level of comfort and assurance that cannot be matched by a toxic optimist. People who are exposed to toxic optimism no longer feel validation and feel guilty for being realistically optimistic.
A positive outlook is necessary for a healthy, happy life: yes, but in moderation.
Embracing Realistic Optimism and Avoiding Toxic Positivity
Human complexity is reflected in negative emotions as well as positive ones. It will not always make sense to us what we are experiencing, but we need to embrace it and accept that it is part of life. Toxic positivity can be avoided by:
● Journaling: Individuals can write how they feel about their stressors as well as note down the stress triggers, in a non-judgmental manner.
● Yoga, Meditation, and Mindfulness: A way to calm your mind and channel negative energy.
● Self-Care: Do what you enjoy, without expectations of greatness or achievement. Get some sleep, compliment yourself, exercise, spend time with loved ones or friends, take up a hobby, or learn to live in the moment.
● Psychotherapy: Seek professional help and learn skills to establish healthy boundaries with yourself and others.
An empathic individual is aware of himself/herself, and he/she is aware of others. Identify if you are a transmitter of toxic positivity and stop it now. You hurt yourself and others when you follow this "only positive" outlook. Try to embrace both positive and negative emotions equally instead of pursuing only positive emotions.
Toxic positivity is something that all of us struggle with at times. When you acknowledge your emotions and accept them in a healthy manner, you can gain a better sense of well-being.
